Free Cupcake Day

Today is free cupcake day at the Crumbs located on Broadway between 52nd and 53rd!

I suggest the following flavors:
- Cupcake of the Week - Almond Marzipan - chocolate cupcake flavored with almond and topped with an almond-vanilla buttercream and a rainbow cookie. Roy G. Biv, eat your heart out.
- Funfetti - Vanilla funfetti cake topped with vanilla buttercream and sprinkles.
- Elvis - Vanilla cake with banana frosting and peanut butter on top. Where is the bacon? I wondered as well.

WHAT A TREAT.

Lazy Girl's Cupcakes

Oh Bethany...how I mill miss you over the next 9 months. I will miss your inability to corral your facial expressions, the fun of watching you talk about EVERYONE behind their back (while remaining the favorite) and your status as a housewife even though you are (a) not a wife (or even in a relationship...ARod doesn't count) and (b) employed. Luckily, I have no doubt that you will be in the spotlight in the upcoming months with your book, Naturally Thin, your PETA campaign and your Skinny Girl Cupcakes (even if while hawking them you were ignored by all of the REAL Housewives of Greenwich for 2 hours at an A&P). Yes, Bethany, I will miss you. But I still won't buy your book because (a) I hate the title and (b) the few simple changes you suggest to "let you natural thinness emerge" include ordering what you want at a restaurant and eating only 3 bites of it. Um, I just ate my entire egg and cheese on an english muffin in 3 bites but somehow I don't think that is what you are getting at...

As a fitting send off after the amazing NYC Housewives Reunion show that took place last night and to celebrate Bethany and her book and her Skinny Girl Cupcakes, I present the Lazy Girl's Cupcakes aka breakfast for dessert aka the idea I totally stole from a tv show (and my cousin), but the recipe is all mine.

French Toast and Bacon Cupcakes

1 box yellow cake mix
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon
1.5 tsp vanilla extract
1 stick butter (1/2 cup) (softened)
3 eggs
1/2 cup (plus 1 tbs) skim milk

6-8 strips of bacon, cooked until crispy and minced.


Put cake mix in a bowl and thoroughly mix in (with a fork) the nutmeg and cinnamon.
Cream together 1/3 of the dry mix with softened butter.
Add another 1/3 of the dry mix and beat with eggs and vanilla
Add and beat together the remaining dry mix and the milk.
Feel free to mix using a hand mixer (remember it is harder to get lumps out of cake mix) or a wooden spoon.

Add the bacon - you can mix the bacon into the batter before filling the cupcake papers or sprinkle it on top. If you prefer, the french toast cupcakes taste delicious without the bacon as well.

Cook at 350 degrees for 15-18 minutes removing when slightly brown on top and a toothpick comes out clean.

You can take the true lazy girl way out and not frost these (they don't need it) or use store bought buttercream with a tablespoon of maple syrup mixed in. I warn you, this frosting will be sweet! I recommend putting a tiny sprinkle of sea salt or kosher salt on top to cut the sugar.

If you prefer to make frosting just take a cup of confectioner's sugar, 4 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons of maple syrup and beat them together on high until light and fluffy.

And no, I did not frost mine nor did I take a picture. Lazy, remember?

Birthday Bests

In honor of a poodle's birthday...



Best Birthday Cake:
* Billy's Bakery Vanilla-Vanilla or Chocolate with Vanilla Icing
Yes, chocolate cupcakes can often be dry but Billy's chocolate cake is a consistent crowd-pleaser.

Best Birthday Cupcake:
* Crumbs
The 45 flavors (and 30 locations) ensure you can always give the birthday girl (or guy) their personal favorite.

Best Birthday Cake Decorations:
* Cupcake Cafe
A heavier cake but they come in 6 inch with amazing floral designs. For a kidtastic cake I have to go with Flour Patch Bakery though...They decorate their buttercream frosted cakes with iced cookies in different shapes! The cookies are also available for purchase and would make great party favors.

Best Cake Toppers:
* Oriental Trading (see picture above)
I mean seriously, what don't they have? Pearl River Mart is also a good bet.

Best Alternative Birthday Treat:
* Macarons from La Maison Du Chocolat
These delicacies are not to be missed. Light crispy shells with smooth pastry and complimented with flavored ganache fillings. They are the perfect gift...and the raspberry ones are pink!

Best Birthday Breakfast Baked Good:
* Bouchon Bakery
Oh Thomas Keller, how I love thee...and your croissants...and your baby bouchons...etc.

Best Birthday Restaurant Style:
* This one is still up for debate...It requires a perfect balance of delicious dessert and the decorative component. For example, Gramercy Tavern does a nice job writing Happy Birthday with chocolate sauce...even if their pastry chef is now my enemy.

On an angry note, I am personally against any place that charges you a per person cake cutting fee...(You know who you are Otto - $7 a person for cake cutting!? Even for cupcakes!? We had 12 people! When I asked to speak to the person who made this decision I was informed that it is Mr. Batali's rule...so I asked to talk to Mario Batali about this...they hung up on me.) While I would have no problem with a straight $20 or $25 fee, when you have a bunch of people at a restaurant I think $7 per person is pretty excessive. I get it, you have your own desserts. We will order them. We will order ice cream. We will tip our server accordingly...just don't alienate your customers by trying to charge them $72 to cut a $35 cake...

Birthday Rage.

Slow Food

There is just so much food related news to write about today that it is kinda unfortunate that I am on a food journal diet that, according to Jillian Michaels' Master Your Metabolism, should also be organic. Of course, that would not stop me from salivating over/reading about/ok, fine, eating all of NYC's amazing offerings today.

First up, the New York Times piece on a burger club that ranks burgers throughout the city. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? I mean sure, that is pretty much what I do with cupcakes (although, sadly, I do it alone), but burgers are my favorite savory food! There is nothing I like more than a juicy burger with fries followed by a cupcake (R.I.P. Burgers & Cupcakes). Even Obama and my man Joe Biden went out for burgers this week (though I heard theirs were served with cheesy tater tots...). My top burgers? Bistro Burger at Corner Bistro ($2.50 McSorleys), Burger Joint burger (with a side of fries and attitude) and Shake Shack (frozen custard).

Second, Babycakes has a cookbook. I went to Borders to check it out (when I bought my Jillian guide to not being a fat cow). I still reject that place (one word: DRY) and I think their recipes are insanely complicated. I also do not know what some of their ingredients actually are...and doesn't that defeat the purpose of this type of cooking? Aren't you not supposed to eat things if you don't know what they are? I mean, clearly that would prevent me from eating delicious items like the contents of the Hillshire Farms holiday baskets so I don't actually aspire to such lofty ideals...but Babycakes should.

Third, KGC. You know what I'm talking about...Kentucky Grilled Chicken...which apparently is brought to us all by Oprah Winfrey for free. For a limited time (no, not mother's day, the coupon is specific) you can save $3.99 and get two pieces of managers choice KGC along with a biscuit and two sides. FREE MEAT. Ok, yes, $3.99 is actually cheaper than the lean cuisines I buy at Gristede's for lunch every other day of the week, but that didn't stop me from heading over to take advantage of this sweet deal courtesy of Oprah. How she became tied to this offer I have no idea. Clearly grilled chicken is a healthier choice, but combining 200 calories of chicken with 300 calories of biscuit, 250 calories of coleslaw and 350 calories of mac n' cheese is not going to win you any weight loss contests. No worries though, the line was so long that I immediately turned around and went to get a salad with no dressing instead (it was that or Magnolia and I decided to save room for beer and sliders tonight). Others didn't handle the situation as well and apparently riots broke out when the manager denied patrons their free chicken. That's right - a food riot - complete with screaming and some physical contact. Fast food, free lunch, talk show hosts making bizarre endorsement decisions and riots...You can't make this stuff up.

So yes, I will just have to wait until another day to get my KGC fix. In the meantime, I'll plan my cupcake club - anybody in?

Spring Freeze

Spring. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

I am too fat for warm weather clothes;
My hair frizzes at the first sign of humidity;
I have allergies; and
It rains all the time.

Yay.

It is a good thing that it has broken 50 degrees in NYC exactly 3 times since October. Today I woke up to rain and a healthy 40 degrees (and you wonder why I broke the diet I had been on for exactly 7 hours and 37 minutes by eating a vanilla-vanilla monstrosity...I was cold! I need layers of fat for warmth since I have very cold appendages.).

To be honest, I love the spring. The warm weather (ok, not yet), flowers (destroyed by heavy rain and spring frosts) and sunshine (clouds) really are a treat. The problem is that NYC's version of spring this year is really thwarting my motivation to get bikini ready. Instead, I wear a lot of black and eat a lot of baked goods. It seems like as long as the Dow continues to hang out below 8000 and big law firms drop associates just as quickly, the cold clouds will remain. What is a girl to do?

My solution? No, not antidepressants. Pharmaceuticals are expensive and I'm not sure I would be able to combine them with booze. Baking isn't a good idea because my cupcake roll is pretty out of control. I can't go to the gym more than 5 or 6 days a week (I'm told that is already excessive) and my days of spending $ on pricey personal trainers are gone (and, unfortunately, Jillian from the Biggest Loser doesn't run the vacation fat camp I dream about).

The solution is gardening. That's right, Home Depot sells seeds buy one get one free right now. 54 cents a pack! You don't need to worry about the cold when the only place your pots can sit is on top of your radiator! For $13 I bought pots, saucers, 5 seed packs and enough "seed starter" soil for all of them. Sure, I looked like a homeless person lugging my massive bags home across town, and yeah, I broke one of the pots before I got in the door (which I will attempt to return), but I am going to be a gardening machine! People are going to walk by my 2nd story apartment and instead of thinking "Why is that girl dancing around like that? Is she having a seizure?" they will ponder "I wonder where that girl having a seizure bought those beautiful pansies? Her pots of herbs are lovely!". I can just see it now. It is going to be glorious. Fresh mint for iced tea. Parsley and basil for homemade tomato sauce. Wildflowers galore.

Of course, I didn't actually plant anything yet. I mean, after lugging all that stuff home I was tired. There was also the broken pot. And I don't have a spade...or like to get dirty. But the plans that I have...big plans...for sometime next week or maybe the week after that. Definitely before summer.

Cupcakes with a Side of Vodka

Someone very nice gave me the super cute Magnolia egg carton of mini-cupcakes for Easter. I know, pretty exciting (he must like me and think I can afford to eat a couple of cupcakes)! Of course, they were a little dry after a few days in an egg carton (egg cartons are not air tight), so by yesterday I was dipping them in my coffee with breakfast.

This got me thinking, what is the best combination with a cupcake? Is it wine or beer as the folks at Sweet Revenge would have us think? How about a glass of milk? Also, is it weird to dunk your cupcake in coffee? I mean, my Grandfather dunks every sugary carb in his coffee...including peanut butter and jelly eggo waffle sandwiches...but he is also 91 and mixes red wine and coca cola over ice, so perhaps his chewing ability/refined palate are not something I should be holding up as the gold standard. Personally, I usually have water with my cupcakes, or, if I am shoving it in my mouth while walking down the street, nothing.

Now, at restaurants it is pretty standard to have coffee or tea with your dessert, but I prefer to think of a cupcake as more of a snack. It is important to make that distinction since it is not appropriate to have multiple desserts a day. Snacks on the other had are an important part of a balanced diet. For example, a cupcake and a glass of milk contains calcium and protein! If you have key lime icing it also provides fruit. A cupcake with coffee has the added bonus of a sugar/caffeine combo. Nothing like a little red bull cake to add a spark to your day!

I know, I digress. The question is cupcake beverage pairings. The answer must be on Google. Except, when I went to Google and looked up "Cupcake drink" I did not find the survey of best beverage pairings that I hoped would be readily available (No, I am not sure why I thought that would be the case), instead I found this drink recipe:

CUPCAKE DRINK
1/2 cup Seagram's® Vanilla vodka
1/2 cup Sprite® soda

Fill a glass half full with cubed ice. Pour in 1/2 cup of Seagram's vanilla vodka (or other vanilla vodka). Pour in 1/2 cup of Sprite from 1/2 a foot above glass (helps make it mix better). Stir for 10 seconds, and serve.

Now, I have a few questions about this drink. First, what difference does the 6 inches make in the pour? Second, isn't that equivalent to about 2.5 shots of vodka? Does it taste like a cupcake because you are so drunk you don't notice that you are drinking a clear drink instead of eating a delicious buttercream confection? Finally, why can't I get an answer to my actual question, and after downing a half cup of vodka in one gulp, would I even care?

Of course, none of this will stop me from trying this "not that interesting or creative but strong" adult beverage this evening. Ever health conscious, I think I will use Diet Sprite...this snack doesn't cover many food groups.

Icing in your face

I have had enough.

Grub Street, you want to talk cupcakes? Let's talk.

Your bakery reviews stink. Your reviewer, from Gramercy Tavern, where I do not think the desserts are that great, stinks. At least Crumbs isn't on the list. They are busy taking over the universe.

Ok, now on to the cupcakes, in no particular order (except for Billy's):

1. Billy's Bakery - This is hands down the best cupcake in Manhattan. To be fair, the icing is a bit sweet. Guess what? That is why you get cupcakes! Because they are cute and sweet and taste/look like every 5 year-old girl and man in Chelsea's dream come true. And I am not just saying this because I want to work there...contrary to what my mother predicts every other day, I am still employed as a lawyer. (Grub Street rank: 11th...out of 15...)

Magnolia - Maybe it is because the new Rockefeller Center location is so close to my office (Hello Al Roker, have another), but this mecca of cupcake consumerism and dry cake has grown on me lately. Seriously though, I still maintain Magnolia is (a) no comparison to Billy's and (b) the closest thing to eating chocolate flavored sandpaper that I can think of. (Grub Street rank: 7th)

Sweet Revenge - I reviewed this one. I am not doing it again now. The cupcakes are good. The peanut butter frosting is not great. (Grub Street rank: 8th)

Cupcake Cafe - The best thing about these cupcakes are the decorations, which are really spectacular flowers of every shape and color. The buttercream is a bit dense, but this is a truly amazing presentation. The chocolate cake is actually less dry than the vanilla, but both are basically poundcake. Grub Street got this one right. (Grub Street rank: 9th)

Babycakes - Ew. Cake is made with eggs and flour. I don't know what made vegan/gluten free cupcakes sound like a good idea, but these prove they are not. (Grub Street rank: 15th)

Kyotofu - When I ordered these cupcakes they did not have icing. It was $2 a piece for little muffin turds. I guess the New York Magazine people rate a little higher than lawyers ordering cupcakes to the office on a Saturday (don't judge) because mine had a weird aftertaste and no toppings. (Grub Street rank: 3rd...drat)

I will save the Brooklyn cupcakes for another day...it requires some commuting.

That's right, I'm back.